I've found that there are two profound changes that almost any of us can make: Unfortunately, because we don't really trust ourselves, we're very rarely kind to ourselves. When I ask people to start being kind to themselves, they usually come back at some point with this dilemma: "But if I'm too kind to myself, I won't get anything done!" This is the fear, when people start being kind to themselves - that they'll be too soft, they won't get stuff done, they'll let themselves off the hook too easily, they'll just lie around doing nothing. It's an understandable fear - if you have had times when you procrastinated, you probably worry about this. Let's talk about why kindness to self is so important, how to do it, and how to still get stuff done even when you're kind to yourself. Most of us are not very kind to ourselves. We often do things like: These are just some of the common examples - the truth is, most of us are judging ourselves, beating ourselves up, looking harshly at our shortcomings and flaws, a lot of the time. It's why we're stressed, anxious, frustrated and disappointed so often. A different path might be kindness to ourselves. When we see a flaw, we might see the beauty in it. Instead of always striving to be better, we can find gratitude for how great we already are. Instead of beating ourselves up, we can be kind to ourselves and see that we have tried our best, that we had good intentions, that we have a good heart. Kindness to ourselves, always. This would transform our relationship to ourselves. It would remove barriers that we face right now, including: Those are just a few examples, but I've found that almost all of our barriers are self-imposed - we are harsh on ourselves, and it makes everything much more difficult. Kindness to ourselves lessens barriers and anxiety and so much struggle. The practice is actually fairly simple. In all cases, you find a way to be kind to yourself. Kindness is something most of us already know how to do, because we have done it with others. We can be kind to a loved one, a stranger, a friend, a neighbor. We just need to try it with ourselves. So here's the rule: kindness to yourself, always. Even when you fail at the rule, be kind to yourself for failing to be kind. Some ways to be kind to yourself: OK, so we're being kind to ourselves, all the time. What about the fear of not getting things done? In truth, I've never found this to be a problem, if you're being kind to yourself. I've never met someone who is kind to themselves and then doesn't do anything worthwhile. From this place of kindness, you do amazing things because it's the kind and loving thing to do for yourself and others. But if you'd like more details on getting stuff done with self-kindness, here are some things you can play with: So a big part of this is to be kind about how your past self has acted, be kind about how you see your present self, and then take kind actions going forward. And take actions that are loving towards others as well, not only focused on yourself. Try these ideas and see how they change your life. Leo Babauta is a writer, former journalist and former editor of the Pacific Daily News. Babauta is a Top 100 blogger, as the creator of the popular Zen Habits blog and mnmlist, and author of the best-selling book, The Power of Less. He is married to Eva Cruz Babauta and has six children: Chloe, Justin, Rain, Maia, Seth and Noelle.
Why Kindness to Self Is So Darn Important
How to Practice Kindness to Yourself
How to Still Get Stuff Done, Even When You're Kind to Yourself
About the author: